More Pictures! Less Words! Learn What A Meme Is!

Empowered in Howard takes a Teaching Hour! And by hour I mean like maybe 10 minutes tops (if you read slower than my grandma who lost an eye in the great pirate battle of Boca Teacapan.)

So, what exactly is a meme? I asked our interweb/computer science/in-house genius/general consultant/computer wiz/fat cat expert Matt Glatt. He defined a meme as "an internet inside joke, usually involving a picture." There are many meme's out there, and most of you noobs don't know any of them. However, they are hilarious and usually involve topical humor or are satirical of pop culture. Here are some of my favorites:

Insanity Puppy

Cute, yet terrifying.

Normally I'm against killing cats, but this was too funny to pass up.

I wanna be like him when I grow up.

Hipster Cat

Zach's favorite cat.

 Meanwhile, in the (country of your choice)

Personally I love the Ukraine. Yury <3

THE _________  IS TOO DAMN HIGH

Gotta love black Republican Presidential Nominee's! (see: Herman Cain)

Flying Octopus?!?!

IS THERE ANYWHERE SAFE?!?!?!?

 nope.

Dear God I Just Realized I Have 3 Weeks of Un-Uploaded Cute Pictures

Here you go, a ridiculous amount of cuteness for your day. I also have a large quantity with funny captions, I'll blupdate those tomorrow. They're really funny. Funnier than me......awww man :'(

NEW POLL!!!! DO IT AND WE'LL DO YOU --->

DAAWW LOOK AT HOW CUTE AND SMALL AND A GREAT SAMPLE OF SPECIES DIVERSITY THEY ARE

Kitty playing with kitty playing with duck! (see: cutest paws ever)

Swimming. You're doing it wrong.

Meeeooooowwwwww

Pig in Boots. It would probably be better than Puss in Boots.

"That chick? Driving your boat? In the bikini? You hit that? Daaaaamn, nice bro!"

I like to pretend that I'm the donkey.

You dribbled a little bit on your face. Let me get that. #nomnomnom

TRUST ME HE WAS CUTE AS A BABY THIS IS JUST A BAD PICTURE

WOW CLASSIC BEARINGS

THIS IS SO STEREOTYPICAL AND THE GREAT 8 ARE REACTING SO STEREOTYPICALLY LIKE NARPS THAT I CAN'T HANDLE ALL THE STEREOTYPING.

HERE ARE PICTURES

CLASSIC

AWESOME.

NOPE DON'T WORRY I DIDN'T WANT TO CHECK MY CLASSES TODAY

EVERYONE SHOULD BE FEELING LIKE THIS

 

 Holy shit. Too far.

hat tip: Matt Glatt for the meme.

Is This Real Life?

Shut up, David after dentist.

Oh hey! Didn't see you there. What's that? You're wondering if the blog is still alive? Well it is. It's just that, I mean, I guess I'm trying to say, I'm not good at this type of thing. I forgot that I was in charge. I let you guys down. Whoops. DON'T WORRY I'LL FIX WHAT I'VE BROKEN!!!!!

So the nationals blupdates didn't really work, and then I kinda had to rush through all my work Monday and Tuesday. Furthermore, it's Thanksgiving break, so go buy yourself a KitKat, fatty, and give me a damn break. Also there's this really cute girl that I spent a lot of time with. She's funny, she likes foxes, and the only weird thing about her is that she spends time with me........I guess that's a pretty weird thing. I dunno, I like her; that belt is hotter than Hansel.

Woah look a video!

"Meeeeeeeooooooooowwww!"

Anywho, I will most certainly be reviving the blog as soon as it's logistically feasible. 

THINGS I WILL DO

1. Write about our nationals trip (filled with hilarity and good results! double win!)

2. Make general stereotypes of the types of people at Bowdoin

3. Jokes and laughs. More. Yes.

4. Get some more weekly contests rolling

5. Work on posting at regular times.

6. Pass all my classes.

THINGS I WON'T DO

1. Ever stop posting pictures of cats. 

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Meet the Nationals Gang!

Tomorrow at 3:45 the trip to nationals begins. I will attempt to blupdate as often as possible, and include as many pictures as humanly possible. I have no idea how long it will last, but I will do my best. Here's an introduction to the eight merry men and three lovely ladies on the trip:

The Guys

Yea I used Comic Sans, haters gonna hate.

Coby Horowitz
You know me. I know you. We've been through this. Cmon meow. Fun.

Nick Saba
You know him. Fun.

James Boeding
Great-great grandson of James Bowdoin III. He's Ladd House's proctor, and he stole Matt Hillard's look in this picture. He gets big energy rushes at 10 pm, every night, and that will definitely turn into a post. Fun.

Sam Seekins
The man, the myth, the hunter-gatherer. Only member of the team able to grow a full beard (besides O-Mac). You never know what you're gonna get with him. Fun.

Matt Hillard
Holding the trophy. Proud owner of the fastest kick in the NCAA. Was on the aforementioned trip to indoor nationals, and anchored the team to a strong fifth place finish. Captain. Fun.

Colin Ogilvie
Looking at a really interesting spot on the ceiling. Member of Ursus Verses, best male voice on the team, and probably going to do better than his brother did. Captain. Fun.

Greg Talpey
You know him. Fun.


Kevin Hoose
The lone freshman on the varsity squad, he's really just a tall kid. Like if you boiled him in a big pot until all the water evaporated, you would just have tall left. Freshman. Unfortunately he won't be making the trip with us, due to the fact that his eggs are hatching soon and he needs to sit on them. Here's what he looks like without makeup on. Fun.

Will Stafstrom
The final member of the varsity squadron. Big Midwestern farm boy, with big Midwestern thighs to match. Sole remaining member of the curly hair club. Will also unfortunately won't be making the trip with us, but I swear if he put his thighs on the job he could bike to Wisconsin in 6 hours flat. Captain. Fun.

Will Stafstrom, age 9.

The Gals

Madelena Rizzo
Also a Howardian! Unfortunately the 4 Howard kids won't be rooming together, so I'm sure there will be numerous complaints about how loud it is at night from us throughout the trip. Girl.

Olivia MacKenzie
Also called O-Mac. Mainly called Omac. Just call her omac (pronounced OH-mac). Anywho, she'll be a fun one. Girl.

Anna Ackerman
The last lovely lady. A senior and owner of the best female voice on the team, she's gonna take Wisconsin by storm and probably drag us around shopping all day Friday. Booooo shopping! Booo girls! Girl.


and last but certainly not least...

The Coach

Coach Slovenski
Coach, author, comedian, drill sergeant, booker of waterpark resorts, and just a generally all-around awesome person. There's no one I would rather travel with, and he's sure help us pass the time with witty anecdotes from the 70's, pop trivia contests, and Mean Girl references. He will make this trip excellent. Very fun.

Classic Coach.

Stay tuned for more updates! The fun begins at 3:45, and don't stop til we get enough.

Shaking Things Up A Bit

 If there are too many words for you, read the first paragraph, then skip to the end. The middle is just jokes and other stuff so you won't miss much.


So as you may or may not have heard, the Bowdoin men's cross country team is headed to Wisconsin for nationals on Thursday. I will be there, as will Nick and Greg. As a fun little thing to keep me occupied and you guys entertained, I'm probably going to be blogging about our time in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. You may be thinking, "hey that sounds really boring". You're a dick. If this trip is anything at all like my trip to indoor nationals with our DMR team and my coach, it has the potential to be absolutely hilarious. I'm taking this time to give you a taste of what nationals was for me last time, and introduce you to the members of this years trip.

Indoor nationals was in Columbus, Ohio, and we (Colin Fong, Matt Gamache, Matt Hillard, Elsa Millett, Coach Slovenski, and Coby Horowitz) managed to make it the best 3 days ever. First of all, Coach Slovenski made the great decision to not book us a hotel, but to have us stay in a water park. Did you read that right? Yes. A water park. 5 college aged people and Coach, who I believe is probably 50 in people years but 14 at heart. Anyways, the entire trip was a hilarious fiasco. First of all, we took a van to the airport to catch our plane. Unfortunately, all the school vans were taken, so Coach had to borrow his sons van. Also unfortunately....

Coach's son was in high demand.

And so we rolled to the airport in style. Once we got to the Portland airport we checked our bags in and headed to the terminal. What's that? A snowstorm at the end of winter in Maine? That sounds about right. Don't worry, even though our flight was cancelled there was another flight we got shifted to. Since we were trying to get from Portland to Columbus Ohio though, there were no direct flights, and now we encountered the problem of having only 5 minutes to catch our connecting flight once we landed. Again, don't worry: we were fast enough to make nationals, we were fast enough to catch a plane. Safely aboard our second flight, we finally were able to relax, thinking that the trip could only get smoother from here. HA.

Once we landed, we yet again realized that we were running short on time. There was an NCAA banquet for all the athletes and coaches at the track that was starting in 30 minutes, and we still hadn't picked up our luggage or gotten our rental car/van/semitruck/wereallydidn'tknowwhatweweregoingtogetatthispoint. More running, more hastening, more fun. Once in the rental car (thankfully a normal minivan), we headed on our way to the track through the great city of Columbus, Ohio.

Except Columbus hasn't really been the same since Christopher Columbus left. And "on our way" connotes that we knew where we were going, and that was the farthest thing from true since I believed it was butter. After many missed turns and Colin and I struggling to get our maps on our phones up to date, we got to the banquet just past the nick of time. The 5 runners and Coach strolled in during the ceremonies for academic athletes of the season, grabbed our food, ate it and left with the crowd 10 minutes later.

LOOK AT HOW HAPPY HE IS!!!!

We arrived 45 minutes later at the Waterpark. Did I mention that we were staying at a waterpark? I was almost too excited to sleep the first night: not because of the race, but because of the slides! We spent all of Friday perusing Columbus, hanging at the hotel playing arcade games, and generally being far too old for our environment. We turned nervous energy into childish excitement, and I attribute our success in the race to this.We ended up finishing fifth, earning All-American status and being the fastest team from New England. We're going to do even better this year. Elsa ran very well (like she always does), but unfortunately her time didn't qualify her for the finals. Trials and finals stink. The only upside of this was that she was free to play with us all day Saturday in the waterpark! WE WERE GOING TO THE WATERPARK AND I WAS SO EXCITED IT WASN'T EVEN FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (except it was funny)









Moral of the story: Waterparks are great. The trip to nationals was great. Waterparks are great. It was so much fun. And this time in Wisconsin is going to be just as fun, and it all starts Thursday at 4. So get your cowboy hats and reading glasses ready, because it's gonna be a blast! I'll introduce the squad tomorrow when I have free time, currently I'm trying to figure out how to be a sociology major without having taken a class of it yet at Bowdoin.

Kitty Kaption Kontest Ktime! (#3)

Meeeeowwwwwwwww!

Except this time it's not gonna be a cat! (it's gonna be almost as cute though, don't worry)

Apparently not everyone loves cat (yea, news to me too) so due to some nagging this weeks Kitty Kaption Kontest won't feature a cat, but a different lovable creature. I present to you....

THE TOYTLE!
(make sure you click the picture for the full effect)

Aw yeah!

Informational video!

Less informational video!

Last Weeks Winner

@eBasshole

Bowdoin being Bowdoin (Bowdoin is synonymous with awesome)

This past weekend, Bowdoin sports once again proved their dominance at the regional level. Volleyball unfortunately had their season ended by UMass Boston, but it was nonetheless a record setting one. Field hockey pooped on whoever they played because they're the field hockey team. They don't lose. I just feel bad for whoever gets matched up against them. Football pulled off a spectacular win against Colby, allowing them by some means of witchcraft to keep the CBB title instead of sharing it. Hat tip to Jimmy Garvey, NESCAC special teams player of the week. No big deal, we went to high school together. Women's rugby also had its season ended, finishing fourth in the NRU (I literally just read this article and then made that up). Finally, the men's cross country team earned its first team berth to nationals since 2007ish, which is big for 3 of the merry 8. So on Thursday, Greg, Nick and I will be going to Winneconne, Wisconsin to race on a golf course in freezing temperatures. Yay running!

Furthermore, it sucks to suck.

MIT's Weekend Recap

In conclusion, they're not going to nationals for anything. Hey, more time to study! We like that.

11:11 11/11/11

ALL YOUR WISHES WILL COME TRUUUEEEEE!!!!!

I wished for a fat little squirrel sitting on a bike eating a tortilla chip outside of Moore. Too specific you say?

NOT TODAY!

If you're reading this, you've missed 1 of your 2 opportunities. Don't fuck up again.

Bridging the Gap (From the Other Side)

OK OK I LIED ABOUT DOING IT ASAP BUT I DID IT EVENTUALLY DIDN'T I? DON'T HURT ME. (refresh your memory)

I had to do a lot of interviews for this, and then it's really hard to translate grunts into words, but I've done my best.

Thorne 
Prime location for food and hook-up strategizing. Practice ends and (unless you're on the hockey team) you head straight to Thorne. You grab as many noms as possible then sit with the team. Make sure that any potential hook ups see you sit with your team, assuming you won that week, because then you won't have to make awkward conversation with them before the inevitable hook up. Average dinner varies between 45 minutes and 2 hours, the amount of reading you have doesn't matter because who the fuck does readings? Other things to be aware of:

The Quad

Great for a quick chay sesh with the bros. Or for our British viewers: Cor! Smashing for a slight bum around the old pitch in our knockers pip pip! And that gets rid of the British viewers.










Hawthorne and Longfellow Library
Unfortunately d3 athletes have to do their own homework, so this is where we go when we have to nerd it up. Luckily, Bowdoin's broads have figured this out as well and also often are there just waiting to get a glimpse of us. A good one-two punch in terms of locking down a hotty for the weekend is spitting some game at dinner then laying some pipe in the stacks after. In case anyone has a desire to bring back icing, it's all about the location and H&L would get you mad daps.

First Year Dorm (Hyde, Winthrop, Appleton, etc)
Back in the day you used to throw down the sickest pregames in your room and after the 30th run in with your proctor he'd just let it slide. As an upperclassmen, however, you're either taking down some of the fresh meat or more likely so black out drunk that you didn't remember that you don't live there anymore and your card won't let you in, no matter how many times you swipe. #firstworldproblems

Smith Union

Conveniently, the C-store is right next to Buck so protein bars can be pounded right after swole-ness has been achieved, maximizing muscle gain. Also my mom sends me cookies :)

Buck

Home from August 31 til May 20th. If you're not at practice, eating, slaying betches, pooping, or other doing other cool shit, then you're in the gym getting your swole on. Yea I fucking grunt when I get my swell on at the gym, cuz everyone should see how jacked and tan I am. What's cardio you ask? The fuck if I know. The only problem with Buck: the dumbbells only go to 60 pounds. Who do they think I am, Spongebob?

On second thought, not bad at all.

   

Farley Field House 

Where hell exists for every teams preseason. 300 meter time trials?! IN UNDER 60 SECONDS?! What are we, painfully mediocre high school distance runners? There's not a single weight machine in sight, and the dumbbells only go up to 20 pounds. What is this, a center for ANTS?!?!? 

Close, but no cigar. Never a cigar. It'll decrease your aerobic capacity.

Pickard Theater

Once a year, every year, our beloved Jeff Ward gathers the athletes of Bowdoin to review our athletic goals for the year and to congratulate last years performances. At the top of the list is always beat Colby and Bates at everything, blah blah easy. Then he goes on to say how great every team is and how this senior class is the best class yet, although he's gonna have to start lying after 2014. Trainer Dan gives his concussion spiel, and then it's one last night of drinking before classes start. Because then all the nights will be spent drinking while classes are in session, duh.

In Order of Increasing Humor

Spoiler Alert: more than one is currently wearing footy pajamas, try and guess who's the second ;)

Lol.

Lolol.

LOLOLOL!!!!!

Monthly Statistics Release

I don't often check out the stats page, but when I do, I prefer two horses (equis is spanish for horse, dummies. I was quoting a commercial). Below are the stats of the month; I highlighted days where we saw large jumps in views. All of them have very obvious connections with the jump so I gave a small blurb on who/what caused it in case you couldn't figure it out for yourself. Also, at the very bottom is probably the funniest stat we've had so far. Finally we have justification for having you confirm that you are over 18 before you enter the blog!

The  Zach Morrison Effect.

Our biggest fan's birthday! She must have help get the word out.

The man who built our Great Howard Dorm, laying each brick by hand, died this day in 1909, so obvi people check here for a nice eulogy.

Pre-Orient anticipation. Bitches dig anticipation more than climax. Also they like it when you touch their ears.

The Orient bump. Alongside the pre-Orient anticipation bump, our biggest bump in history....by one view. (487 vs 486)

All fairly normal, except for the one person who thought we were ghetto and spelled it "livin". Cmon bro, we're classier than that...even though apparently you can find us by googling "slutty college girls on halloween"

Cats! Words! Links! Classic EiH!

The best reason to vote for Obama in 2012.

Maine: the way life should be.

See it's cute because they make a heart!

This one's for you, Bunker Matt.

Cutest thing you'll see this week. Courtesy of our Dukane friend.

This is just begging to be clicked, and you haven't clicked in a while. Just take the chance.

Be hip. Know your cat memes.

PS I promise that I will eventually get the jock side of Bridging the Gap out by the end of this week. Forrealsies, I pinky promise.

Hey, Ya Tried Your Best This Week

As I once again only received one entry for the Hey, Ya Looked Good This Week competition, the one entrant won. Competition implies a minimum of two, so if I could just start getting like a few pictures, or even multiple pictures of the same person, that would be helpful. Anyways, I couldn't in good faith actually call it "looking good". But he tries his best. And your winner is....

Sick Naba

Just so Howard right meow.

In case you don't know Mr. Saba, this is a typical weekday outfit. Notice the blue on blue, great for work in the lab. Goggles are a necessary precaution, even though it's compsci lab. Sleep first, safety first, homework first: the golden rules of the Dalai Saba.

Wondering about how his pants got wet? His own explanation: "You know that girl I'm into? Julie? Julie McCullough? She walked by me this morning and our hands brushed....boom went the dynamite."

Welcome People Sent Here by the Orient!

So you're probably thinking, "is this for real?". Nope....

Anyways, I contemplated reversing the order of the blog so that the mission statement and our introductions would be first and you could chronologically understand how we've evolved. However, I decided that would suck, so figure it out yourselves (lol jk luv u guyz). If you want to only read the funny stuff or learn about how we got stuck in this mess, I made it easy and created a table of contents! Hooray books! Also, the links are probably the second best thing on the blog, next to the kittens. Writing and humor take a close third. Do what you want with us, we give you our full consent.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Meet us:

Our Mission Statement

We   R   Who   We  R

My favorite posts:
F is for friends who do stuff together
U is for you and me,
N is for anywhere and anytime at all

down here in the deep blue sea!


I remember this song being much funnier.