STOP EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW

AND WATCH THIS

Carry on.

Finals Update/Fire Drill/Hilarious Information

So finals are here, and therefore I  have no time to blog because I have to study. 26 hours a day, 8 days a week. We also have a twitter: @chemliteliving
 

IN MORE FUN NEWS

There was a fire alarm today in Howard.

We have inside information. 

And pictures.

A major contributor.

This guy gave it away.

You should take it.

Insert "Alex" for "we didn't" and it's our new theme song.

On Being a Nude Model

Those of you who are art aficionados know that at the end of every semester there is an art walk. This year, if you happen to be planning on going to the Photo101 display, you'd best bring a second pair of underwear.

A Short Story

by Coby

My Career As An Object of Art

Yuck. 10 points to the funniest caption.

As some of you may know, I am a very popular object for the photo classes. I have been featured in at least five unique projects with three different photographers. I began my career as an object with my sister Lindsey; she would need a beautiful object to photograph at the last minute and I was always available. She would come over to the dirty Winthrop, pull me out of bed, and force me to pose with whatever she needed that week. Sometimes I would make feeble attempts at looking hip, other times I would be grumpy and covered in shoes. I guess all objects have a dark period; this was mine.








My next job as an object was with Zach. Unlike Lindsey who used me as a last option, Zach recognized my potential and together we made great art. And by we, I mean honestly, the object IS the art, and the photographer is just capturing it to share with others. But I guess you can't have one without the other, so I won't be a pretentious douche (yet) and tell you that I am great art. That will come later.

Zach used me for a multitude of projects, including: "look-sassy-in-a-bathroom", "spit-water-as-far-as-you-can", "execute-perfect-running-form", and of course the infamous "hey-are-you-passed-out-oh-cool-let-me-cover-you-in-this-blanket-and-put-a-moose-head-on-top-of-you-and-then-take-pictures-of-you-WHILE-YOU'RE-SLEEPING-kthxbai"! Luckily I'm a fantastic object and even when I'm passed out I'm drop dead gorgeous.

Looking sassy in the bathroom.

Water spit lol?

Literally the greatest at posing. Massachusetts state flag? #winning

Which leaves us with my latest job as an object; photographer J-Smeezy is currently doing her "take-pictures-of-human-bodies-that-look-weird"......

This project was made for me.

Dunzo's:

Misaligned abs? Check.

2% body fat? The only time I had 3% was at birth, and within 2 minutes I had puked the extra 1% out. 

Skinny kid muscles? You know it.

Previous experience in photography projects?.................... Nope.                                        Wait yes.

Nudey pics will be posted at the end of the semester, but you can check them out early by going on the artwalk! It's cool! Everyone does it! It's like a safer form of heroin!

More Pictures! Less Words! Learn What A Meme Is!

Empowered in Howard takes a Teaching Hour! And by hour I mean like maybe 10 minutes tops (if you read slower than my grandma who lost an eye in the great pirate battle of Boca Teacapan.)

So, what exactly is a meme? I asked our interweb/computer science/in-house genius/general consultant/computer wiz/fat cat expert Matt Glatt. He defined a meme as "an internet inside joke, usually involving a picture." There are many meme's out there, and most of you noobs don't know any of them. However, they are hilarious and usually involve topical humor or are satirical of pop culture. Here are some of my favorites:

Insanity Puppy

Cute, yet terrifying.

Normally I'm against killing cats, but this was too funny to pass up.

I wanna be like him when I grow up.

Hipster Cat

Zach's favorite cat.

 Meanwhile, in the (country of your choice)

Personally I love the Ukraine. Yury <3

THE _________  IS TOO DAMN HIGH

Gotta love black Republican Presidential Nominee's! (see: Herman Cain)

Flying Octopus?!?!

IS THERE ANYWHERE SAFE?!?!?!?

 nope.

Dear God I Just Realized I Have 3 Weeks of Un-Uploaded Cute Pictures

Here you go, a ridiculous amount of cuteness for your day. I also have a large quantity with funny captions, I'll blupdate those tomorrow. They're really funny. Funnier than me......awww man :'(

NEW POLL!!!! DO IT AND WE'LL DO YOU --->

DAAWW LOOK AT HOW CUTE AND SMALL AND A GREAT SAMPLE OF SPECIES DIVERSITY THEY ARE

Kitty playing with kitty playing with duck! (see: cutest paws ever)

Swimming. You're doing it wrong.

Meeeooooowwwwww

Pig in Boots. It would probably be better than Puss in Boots.

"That chick? Driving your boat? In the bikini? You hit that? Daaaaamn, nice bro!"

I like to pretend that I'm the donkey.

You dribbled a little bit on your face. Let me get that. #nomnomnom

TRUST ME HE WAS CUTE AS A BABY THIS IS JUST A BAD PICTURE

WOW CLASSIC BEARINGS

THIS IS SO STEREOTYPICAL AND THE GREAT 8 ARE REACTING SO STEREOTYPICALLY LIKE NARPS THAT I CAN'T HANDLE ALL THE STEREOTYPING.

HERE ARE PICTURES

CLASSIC

AWESOME.

NOPE DON'T WORRY I DIDN'T WANT TO CHECK MY CLASSES TODAY

EVERYONE SHOULD BE FEELING LIKE THIS

 

 Holy shit. Too far.

hat tip: Matt Glatt for the meme.

Is This Real Life?

Shut up, David after dentist.

Oh hey! Didn't see you there. What's that? You're wondering if the blog is still alive? Well it is. It's just that, I mean, I guess I'm trying to say, I'm not good at this type of thing. I forgot that I was in charge. I let you guys down. Whoops. DON'T WORRY I'LL FIX WHAT I'VE BROKEN!!!!!

So the nationals blupdates didn't really work, and then I kinda had to rush through all my work Monday and Tuesday. Furthermore, it's Thanksgiving break, so go buy yourself a KitKat, fatty, and give me a damn break. Also there's this really cute girl that I spent a lot of time with. She's funny, she likes foxes, and the only weird thing about her is that she spends time with me........I guess that's a pretty weird thing. I dunno, I like her; that belt is hotter than Hansel.

Woah look a video!

"Meeeeeeeooooooooowwww!"

Anywho, I will most certainly be reviving the blog as soon as it's logistically feasible. 

THINGS I WILL DO

1. Write about our nationals trip (filled with hilarity and good results! double win!)

2. Make general stereotypes of the types of people at Bowdoin

3. Jokes and laughs. More. Yes.

4. Get some more weekly contests rolling

5. Work on posting at regular times.

6. Pass all my classes.

THINGS I WON'T DO

1. Ever stop posting pictures of cats. 

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Meet the Nationals Gang!

Tomorrow at 3:45 the trip to nationals begins. I will attempt to blupdate as often as possible, and include as many pictures as humanly possible. I have no idea how long it will last, but I will do my best. Here's an introduction to the eight merry men and three lovely ladies on the trip:

The Guys

Yea I used Comic Sans, haters gonna hate.

Coby Horowitz
You know me. I know you. We've been through this. Cmon meow. Fun.

Nick Saba
You know him. Fun.

James Boeding
Great-great grandson of James Bowdoin III. He's Ladd House's proctor, and he stole Matt Hillard's look in this picture. He gets big energy rushes at 10 pm, every night, and that will definitely turn into a post. Fun.

Sam Seekins
The man, the myth, the hunter-gatherer. Only member of the team able to grow a full beard (besides O-Mac). You never know what you're gonna get with him. Fun.

Matt Hillard
Holding the trophy. Proud owner of the fastest kick in the NCAA. Was on the aforementioned trip to indoor nationals, and anchored the team to a strong fifth place finish. Captain. Fun.

Colin Ogilvie
Looking at a really interesting spot on the ceiling. Member of Ursus Verses, best male voice on the team, and probably going to do better than his brother did. Captain. Fun.

Greg Talpey
You know him. Fun.


Kevin Hoose
The lone freshman on the varsity squad, he's really just a tall kid. Like if you boiled him in a big pot until all the water evaporated, you would just have tall left. Freshman. Unfortunately he won't be making the trip with us, due to the fact that his eggs are hatching soon and he needs to sit on them. Here's what he looks like without makeup on. Fun.

Will Stafstrom
The final member of the varsity squadron. Big Midwestern farm boy, with big Midwestern thighs to match. Sole remaining member of the curly hair club. Will also unfortunately won't be making the trip with us, but I swear if he put his thighs on the job he could bike to Wisconsin in 6 hours flat. Captain. Fun.

Will Stafstrom, age 9.

The Gals

Madelena Rizzo
Also a Howardian! Unfortunately the 4 Howard kids won't be rooming together, so I'm sure there will be numerous complaints about how loud it is at night from us throughout the trip. Girl.

Olivia MacKenzie
Also called O-Mac. Mainly called Omac. Just call her omac (pronounced OH-mac). Anywho, she'll be a fun one. Girl.

Anna Ackerman
The last lovely lady. A senior and owner of the best female voice on the team, she's gonna take Wisconsin by storm and probably drag us around shopping all day Friday. Booooo shopping! Booo girls! Girl.


and last but certainly not least...

The Coach

Coach Slovenski
Coach, author, comedian, drill sergeant, booker of waterpark resorts, and just a generally all-around awesome person. There's no one I would rather travel with, and he's sure help us pass the time with witty anecdotes from the 70's, pop trivia contests, and Mean Girl references. He will make this trip excellent. Very fun.

Classic Coach.

Stay tuned for more updates! The fun begins at 3:45, and don't stop til we get enough.

Shaking Things Up A Bit

 If there are too many words for you, read the first paragraph, then skip to the end. The middle is just jokes and other stuff so you won't miss much.


So as you may or may not have heard, the Bowdoin men's cross country team is headed to Wisconsin for nationals on Thursday. I will be there, as will Nick and Greg. As a fun little thing to keep me occupied and you guys entertained, I'm probably going to be blogging about our time in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. You may be thinking, "hey that sounds really boring". You're a dick. If this trip is anything at all like my trip to indoor nationals with our DMR team and my coach, it has the potential to be absolutely hilarious. I'm taking this time to give you a taste of what nationals was for me last time, and introduce you to the members of this years trip.

Indoor nationals was in Columbus, Ohio, and we (Colin Fong, Matt Gamache, Matt Hillard, Elsa Millett, Coach Slovenski, and Coby Horowitz) managed to make it the best 3 days ever. First of all, Coach Slovenski made the great decision to not book us a hotel, but to have us stay in a water park. Did you read that right? Yes. A water park. 5 college aged people and Coach, who I believe is probably 50 in people years but 14 at heart. Anyways, the entire trip was a hilarious fiasco. First of all, we took a van to the airport to catch our plane. Unfortunately, all the school vans were taken, so Coach had to borrow his sons van. Also unfortunately....

Coach's son was in high demand.

And so we rolled to the airport in style. Once we got to the Portland airport we checked our bags in and headed to the terminal. What's that? A snowstorm at the end of winter in Maine? That sounds about right. Don't worry, even though our flight was cancelled there was another flight we got shifted to. Since we were trying to get from Portland to Columbus Ohio though, there were no direct flights, and now we encountered the problem of having only 5 minutes to catch our connecting flight once we landed. Again, don't worry: we were fast enough to make nationals, we were fast enough to catch a plane. Safely aboard our second flight, we finally were able to relax, thinking that the trip could only get smoother from here. HA.

Once we landed, we yet again realized that we were running short on time. There was an NCAA banquet for all the athletes and coaches at the track that was starting in 30 minutes, and we still hadn't picked up our luggage or gotten our rental car/van/semitruck/wereallydidn'tknowwhatweweregoingtogetatthispoint. More running, more hastening, more fun. Once in the rental car (thankfully a normal minivan), we headed on our way to the track through the great city of Columbus, Ohio.

Except Columbus hasn't really been the same since Christopher Columbus left. And "on our way" connotes that we knew where we were going, and that was the farthest thing from true since I believed it was butter. After many missed turns and Colin and I struggling to get our maps on our phones up to date, we got to the banquet just past the nick of time. The 5 runners and Coach strolled in during the ceremonies for academic athletes of the season, grabbed our food, ate it and left with the crowd 10 minutes later.

LOOK AT HOW HAPPY HE IS!!!!

We arrived 45 minutes later at the Waterpark. Did I mention that we were staying at a waterpark? I was almost too excited to sleep the first night: not because of the race, but because of the slides! We spent all of Friday perusing Columbus, hanging at the hotel playing arcade games, and generally being far too old for our environment. We turned nervous energy into childish excitement, and I attribute our success in the race to this.We ended up finishing fifth, earning All-American status and being the fastest team from New England. We're going to do even better this year. Elsa ran very well (like she always does), but unfortunately her time didn't qualify her for the finals. Trials and finals stink. The only upside of this was that she was free to play with us all day Saturday in the waterpark! WE WERE GOING TO THE WATERPARK AND I WAS SO EXCITED IT WASN'T EVEN FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (except it was funny)









Moral of the story: Waterparks are great. The trip to nationals was great. Waterparks are great. It was so much fun. And this time in Wisconsin is going to be just as fun, and it all starts Thursday at 4. So get your cowboy hats and reading glasses ready, because it's gonna be a blast! I'll introduce the squad tomorrow when I have free time, currently I'm trying to figure out how to be a sociology major without having taken a class of it yet at Bowdoin.

Kitty Kaption Kontest Ktime! (#3)

Meeeeowwwwwwwww!

Except this time it's not gonna be a cat! (it's gonna be almost as cute though, don't worry)

Apparently not everyone loves cat (yea, news to me too) so due to some nagging this weeks Kitty Kaption Kontest won't feature a cat, but a different lovable creature. I present to you....

THE TOYTLE!
(make sure you click the picture for the full effect)

Aw yeah!

Informational video!

Less informational video!

Last Weeks Winner

@eBasshole