11:11 11/11/11

ALL YOUR WISHES WILL COME TRUUUEEEEE!!!!!

I wished for a fat little squirrel sitting on a bike eating a tortilla chip outside of Moore. Too specific you say?

NOT TODAY!

If you're reading this, you've missed 1 of your 2 opportunities. Don't fuck up again.

Bridging the Gap (From the Other Side)

OK OK I LIED ABOUT DOING IT ASAP BUT I DID IT EVENTUALLY DIDN'T I? DON'T HURT ME. (refresh your memory)

I had to do a lot of interviews for this, and then it's really hard to translate grunts into words, but I've done my best.

Thorne 
Prime location for food and hook-up strategizing. Practice ends and (unless you're on the hockey team) you head straight to Thorne. You grab as many noms as possible then sit with the team. Make sure that any potential hook ups see you sit with your team, assuming you won that week, because then you won't have to make awkward conversation with them before the inevitable hook up. Average dinner varies between 45 minutes and 2 hours, the amount of reading you have doesn't matter because who the fuck does readings? Other things to be aware of:

The Quad

Great for a quick chay sesh with the bros. Or for our British viewers: Cor! Smashing for a slight bum around the old pitch in our knockers pip pip! And that gets rid of the British viewers.










Hawthorne and Longfellow Library
Unfortunately d3 athletes have to do their own homework, so this is where we go when we have to nerd it up. Luckily, Bowdoin's broads have figured this out as well and also often are there just waiting to get a glimpse of us. A good one-two punch in terms of locking down a hotty for the weekend is spitting some game at dinner then laying some pipe in the stacks after. In case anyone has a desire to bring back icing, it's all about the location and H&L would get you mad daps.

First Year Dorm (Hyde, Winthrop, Appleton, etc)
Back in the day you used to throw down the sickest pregames in your room and after the 30th run in with your proctor he'd just let it slide. As an upperclassmen, however, you're either taking down some of the fresh meat or more likely so black out drunk that you didn't remember that you don't live there anymore and your card won't let you in, no matter how many times you swipe. #firstworldproblems

Smith Union

Conveniently, the C-store is right next to Buck so protein bars can be pounded right after swole-ness has been achieved, maximizing muscle gain. Also my mom sends me cookies :)

Buck

Home from August 31 til May 20th. If you're not at practice, eating, slaying betches, pooping, or other doing other cool shit, then you're in the gym getting your swole on. Yea I fucking grunt when I get my swell on at the gym, cuz everyone should see how jacked and tan I am. What's cardio you ask? The fuck if I know. The only problem with Buck: the dumbbells only go to 60 pounds. Who do they think I am, Spongebob?

On second thought, not bad at all.

   

Farley Field House 

Where hell exists for every teams preseason. 300 meter time trials?! IN UNDER 60 SECONDS?! What are we, painfully mediocre high school distance runners? There's not a single weight machine in sight, and the dumbbells only go up to 20 pounds. What is this, a center for ANTS?!?!? 

Close, but no cigar. Never a cigar. It'll decrease your aerobic capacity.

Pickard Theater

Once a year, every year, our beloved Jeff Ward gathers the athletes of Bowdoin to review our athletic goals for the year and to congratulate last years performances. At the top of the list is always beat Colby and Bates at everything, blah blah easy. Then he goes on to say how great every team is and how this senior class is the best class yet, although he's gonna have to start lying after 2014. Trainer Dan gives his concussion spiel, and then it's one last night of drinking before classes start. Because then all the nights will be spent drinking while classes are in session, duh.

In Order of Increasing Humor

Spoiler Alert: more than one is currently wearing footy pajamas, try and guess who's the second ;)

Lol.

Lolol.

LOLOLOL!!!!!

Monthly Statistics Release

I don't often check out the stats page, but when I do, I prefer two horses (equis is spanish for horse, dummies. I was quoting a commercial). Below are the stats of the month; I highlighted days where we saw large jumps in views. All of them have very obvious connections with the jump so I gave a small blurb on who/what caused it in case you couldn't figure it out for yourself. Also, at the very bottom is probably the funniest stat we've had so far. Finally we have justification for having you confirm that you are over 18 before you enter the blog!

The  Zach Morrison Effect.

Our biggest fan's birthday! She must have help get the word out.

The man who built our Great Howard Dorm, laying each brick by hand, died this day in 1909, so obvi people check here for a nice eulogy.

Pre-Orient anticipation. Bitches dig anticipation more than climax. Also they like it when you touch their ears.

The Orient bump. Alongside the pre-Orient anticipation bump, our biggest bump in history....by one view. (487 vs 486)

All fairly normal, except for the one person who thought we were ghetto and spelled it "livin". Cmon bro, we're classier than that...even though apparently you can find us by googling "slutty college girls on halloween"

Cats! Words! Links! Classic EiH!

The best reason to vote for Obama in 2012.

Maine: the way life should be.

See it's cute because they make a heart!

This one's for you, Bunker Matt.

Cutest thing you'll see this week. Courtesy of our Dukane friend.

This is just begging to be clicked, and you haven't clicked in a while. Just take the chance.

Be hip. Know your cat memes.

PS I promise that I will eventually get the jock side of Bridging the Gap out by the end of this week. Forrealsies, I pinky promise.

Hey, Ya Tried Your Best This Week

As I once again only received one entry for the Hey, Ya Looked Good This Week competition, the one entrant won. Competition implies a minimum of two, so if I could just start getting like a few pictures, or even multiple pictures of the same person, that would be helpful. Anyways, I couldn't in good faith actually call it "looking good". But he tries his best. And your winner is....

Sick Naba

Just so Howard right meow.

In case you don't know Mr. Saba, this is a typical weekday outfit. Notice the blue on blue, great for work in the lab. Goggles are a necessary precaution, even though it's compsci lab. Sleep first, safety first, homework first: the golden rules of the Dalai Saba.

Wondering about how his pants got wet? His own explanation: "You know that girl I'm into? Julie? Julie McCullough? She walked by me this morning and our hands brushed....boom went the dynamite."

Welcome People Sent Here by the Orient!

So you're probably thinking, "is this for real?". Nope....

Anyways, I contemplated reversing the order of the blog so that the mission statement and our introductions would be first and you could chronologically understand how we've evolved. However, I decided that would suck, so figure it out yourselves (lol jk luv u guyz). If you want to only read the funny stuff or learn about how we got stuck in this mess, I made it easy and created a table of contents! Hooray books! Also, the links are probably the second best thing on the blog, next to the kittens. Writing and humor take a close third. Do what you want with us, we give you our full consent.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Meet us:

Our Mission Statement

We   R   Who   We  R

My favorite posts:
F is for friends who do stuff together
U is for you and me,
N is for anywhere and anytime at all

down here in the deep blue sea!


I remember this song being much funnier.